


Different Grief

by Theyisms



Series: 30 Day OTP Challenge - NSFW [6]
Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: AkuDem - Freeform, AkuDemy, Bathroom Sex, Church Sex, Dry Humping, Grief/Mourning, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-06
Updated: 2019-10-06
Packaged: 2020-11-26 04:20:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20924057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Theyisms/pseuds/Theyisms
Summary: Which is worse, to feel nothing at all or to feel everything all at once?





	Different Grief

**Author's Note:**

> Day Six: Clothed Getting Off

He wants to feel bad. He wants to cry and mourn like everyone else around him but he just…doesn’t. He doesn’t feel  _ anything _ . What kind of monster doesn’t even cry at their mother’s funeral?

A hand gently brushes against the back of his own. He knows it’s Axel attempting to comfort him. Demyx grabs Axel’s hand and holds it tight. That’s what he’s supposed to do, right? Let his fiancé try to comfort him?

Nothing changes as the service continues. He listens as people speak kind words about his mom and watches as the choke up halfway through their speeches. At the end of it, he still feels numb. He wonders if his mom would be sad knowing that he didn’t cry at all in the last two weeks. If he knew that she was, maybe he  _ would  _ cry.

People offer him their condolences as they start to leave. He can only offer them an empty smile and thank them. They probably know. Everyone who comes up to him can clearly see that his eyes aren’t watery or puffy and they think he’s a piece of shit.

“You okay?” Axel whispers to him.

Demyx nods. It feels like the truth. If he isn’t upset then that must mean he’s okay. “Yeah, I’m fine,” he tries to smile.

Axel takes a look around to make sure no one’s near. “How do you feel?”

“I don’t.”

He feels Axel squeeze his hand. “Come here.”

Demyx raises an eyebrow as Axel quickly ushers him back inside the church. From there, he leads him to the bathroom and locks the door behind them. Demyx is more than a little confused. “Why are we here?”

“I wanted to get you somewhere where you’d feel comfortable crying. I know you don’t like other people seeing you like that.”

“I—no, Axel. It’s not that I don’t want to cry, I just... _ can’t. _ I don’t feel anything.” Demyx runs his hands through his hair, not even caring that he’s just messing it up. “I would fucking kill to feel something right now.”

Axel pulls him into a tight hug, and Demyx rests his head comfortably on his chest. He sighs deeply. The first thing he feels in two weeks is disappointment. Axel’s arm’s usually feel like home. He’d always get such a wonderful feeling from just being close to him. Now...nothing.

“I wish there was something I could do to fix it,” Axel tells him. Demyx wishes the same.

“I’ll be okay. Just don’t leave me alone, okay?”

“Never.” He pulls back just enough to drop a chaste kiss on Demyx’s mouth. And that was…that almost felt like something. “You okay to head back to the limo?”

The cogs inside Demyx’s head start to turn, albeit very slowly. A very stupid idea had come to him, and he wondered if it’s just stupid enough to work. “Not just yet. I wanna try something...” He reaches up to pull Axel’s head back down, gently pressing their lips together. It  _ does  _ make him feel something, but it’s not enough. He kisses him again. Hopefully Axel gets the hint.

Axel does. He winds his arms around Demyx’s waist and deepens the kiss. It’s probably not the healthiest way to try and get past the numbness but it’s working. That’s all he cares about right now.

“Please…” Demyx begs in between kisses. “I know this is probably really awkward for you but it helps. Touch me. I need to feel something,  _ please _ .”

“Hey, it’s okay,” Axel assures him. “I got you.”

Demyx almost feels relief as they stumble backwards. His back hits the door of the bathroom a little too roughly, but he doesn’t care. He just hopes this works.

Axel moves his mouth to Demyx’s neck, almost immediately finding  _ that spot  _ that makes him weak. He hisses and pulls Axel as close as he can physically be, lifting his leg and wrapping it tightly around Axel’s waist. And there it is. He feels desire, impatience, anxiety, and anger. He’s not sure where the last one is coming from but he’s so glad that it’s there.

His fingers curl around Axel’s dress shirt as he rolls his hips forward. He feels grateful for having someone like Axel in his life because anyone else might have thought he was crazy for this. Axel truly just wants to help and it feels good. Demyx  _ feels _ good.

He gasps as Axel slowly starts to grind against his thigh, and he copies the movement. Somewhere beneath the anxiety, there’s a hint of excitement. Knowing that they’re doing this in a church of all places makes this even better.

Demyx exhales shakily just seconds before Axel kisses him again. He brings his arms up to wrap them around Axel’s neck. The bathroom feels like it’s getting hotter, and yet he has chills. Both his mind and heart to race. What the fuck is wrong with him? Why did it have to come to  _ this  _ for him to feel emotions? Why does he still not feel bad about his mom?

He pants softly, now clinging to Axel in hopes of ignoring the shame and self-hatred. Demyx is not a bad person. He’s  _ not. _ It’s not like he came to the funeral with the intention to do this. He knows he shouldn’t be.

“Fuck...” he hisses as he leans his head back against the door. This is not okay. This is the very last thing he should be doing right now, but that doesn’t make him want to stop. He hates himself for it.

“You need me to stop?” Axel whispers.

Yes.

“No,” Demyx’s voice trembles. He moves his hips faster. Part of him just wants to feel relief while another just wants this to be over. It’s pathetic. It’s  _ so fucking good _ . “Please,  _ please  _ don’t stop.”

“I got you,” Axel repeats. He’s panting too, and Demyx takes solace in the fact that he’s enjoying himself too.

He’s not sure what sends him over the edge, but he reaches his limit faster than he thought he would. His eyes are heavy, but he can see Axel’s chest heaving just a few inches away. He opens his mouth to speak, but a bitter laugh comes out instead. He doesn’t feel any relief at all. Everything hits him all at once and it’s overwhelming.

“Dem…”

Demyx looks up at the ceiling as his eyes start to water. He definitely feels ashamed. His heart hurts. His mother is being lowered into the ground while he’s getting off in a bathroom. He’s never going to fucking see her again and  _ this  _ is what he does?

He’s  _ never  _ going to see her again.

He covers his mouth with his hands and squeezes his eyes shut. It isn’t until he feels Axel wrap his arms around him that he breaks. It feels like home again. He can feel everything now, and he can’t take it. Demyx sobs quietly into Axel’s chest. Hopefully his mother can forgive him, wherever she is. He’s reallt going to miss her.

**Author's Note:**

> I am not sure why I made this sad. I really cannot help myself with the angst I’m sorry lmao


End file.
